The Best Of Scams
by Mr. Animator
Summary: My first fanfic on this website! Eddy recalls the memories of his most successful scams. This takes place after the Big Picture Show.


The Best Of Scams

Hey fanfic readers! Welcome to my first fanfic on Fanfiction! This one is on one of my favorite childhood shows, Ed Edd n Eddy! This story will take place after the Big Picture Show. Since the movie revealed Eddy's brother, I'm going to add OCs to my future EEnE fanfics. With that info out of the way, enjoy!

Disclaimer: Ed, Edd n Eddy belongs to Danny Antonucci and Cartoon Network.

The Eds had just had the time of their lives at Kevin's house having a party. Now that the Eds were respected, they could get jawbreakers at Kevin's place.  
Not only that, but Sarah was less abusive towards Ed, Nazz was flirting with Eddy, and Double D assisted the other kids with their needs and was appreciated for it. All was well for the Eds. Eddy had vowed to give up scams after his last scam went too far. One day at his house, Eddy was looking through a suitcase which had some of his scam possessions. Eddy remembered the scams he used to pull on the kids. Most of them were failures, but some were successful.

Flashback 1: Serial Toucher Catcher

The Eds have earned money to buy jawbreakers after catching a thief (Johnny) who was stealing stuff from the cul-de-sac kids.  
Even though Sarah found her doll under her bed. As punishment, Johnny was forced to roll inside a tire. At the candy store, the Eds were enjoying their favorite candy.

"This is good." Eddy says proudly. Double D on the other hand was concerned.

"Shouldn't we feel guilty about Jonny's predicament?"

"Nah." Eddy replied. "You know what they say. A little childhood trauma builds character."

Jonny is still stuck in the tire. He runs into the Eds, causing the jawbreakers to come out of their mouths. The jawbreakers roll down the street and the Eds chase after them.

Flashback 2:

Eddy remembered the time Ed was sleepwalking and raided the fridges in the cul-de-sac. Since Ed was full of food, it gave Eddy an idea for a scam. He and Double D set up the scam in the morning.

"Holy mackerel! Where's all my food?" Jimmy wondered and found a box of cookies. "Yummy! Cookies!"

He shakes the box, only to find a few small crumbs. Jimmy is in desperate need for food.

"My tummy needs food!"

Suddenly, Jimmy hears Eddy's voice from outside.

"Fresh food! Cheap prices! Get your groceries at Ed's Mart!

Jimmy goes outside. Jonny is outside too.

"Hurry Plank! We need to fill that tummy! Awwow. And mine too!

The rest of the kids show up and go to the store.

"We've got all your favorite foods! Here at Ed's Mart!" Eddy announced. "Get it while it's hot, folks! No one beat our prices at Ed's Mart! All your favorite food here-(yells in Double's D's ear) AT ED'S MART!

Johnny walks up to Eddy.

"Good morning Jonny boy! What can I get ya?" Eddy asked.

"Eddy, you wouldn't happen to have-

"Your Chunky Puffs?" Eddy finished his sentence. "I mean, your favorite Chunky puffs! Sure! That'll be fifty cents!"

He holds out a jar and Jonny puts in some coins.

"He's, uh, just checking our inventory and will be back momentarily." Double D informed Jonny.

Eddy has his hand in Ed's throat and is rummaging down his stomach for the Chunky Puffs. He finally found what he was looking for.

"Here you go, Jonny." Eddy said, handing Jonny his cereal.

"I love Chunky Puffs." Jonny commented.

"Would you like some milk with that?" Ed asked.

"Can't eat cereal without milk." Eddy added.

Double D points to his mouth and makes a gagging noise.

Flashback 3: This next scam was selling Canadian squirt guns. The kids notice Eddy.

" Is that Eddy?" Nazz asked.

Eddy is wearing a cowboy hat. He readies his squirt guns and places them in his sock hoisters.

"What are those?" Kevin wondered.

"Ready for some action, city slicker?" Eddy says. Ed pops up from behind the fence and moves to the right.

"You won't want to miss a drop." Eddy stated. Eddy slams the guns against the ground and sprays Ed. He sprays him two more times.

"You see that?" Rolf said, impressed.

"It's so powerful!" Sarah added.

"Looks like fun!" says Nazz.

"Is it hard?" Jonny asked.

Eddy is looking into a mirror. "It's easy as one, two, three." Eddy told them. He sprays water at a birdhouse. The shot rebounds off the birdhouse and into a bucket, which shoots it back through the ears of Sarah, Jonny, and Jimmy to hit Ed in the face again.

"Don't try this at home kids." Eddy advised them, blowing the tip of his squirt gun.

"Yes, I must try your water shooter, Cowpoke Eddy." Rolf says.

"Yeah, let me try." Sarah added.

"All the way from Canada." Eddy stated, showing them the squirt gun stand. "Loaded and in stock, at Double D's house of Import-Exports!"

"All at an insignificant price of fifty cents." Double D added. "We'll also include a free sock hoister."

The kids instantly rush to Double D's stand and take all the guns and socks, giving him their money. The stand falls apart and the moose head that was on the stand falls on Double D.

"Help" Double D cried.

"Whoa nelly!" Eddy said amazed, as he takes the jar of money and Double D falls down. "They fell for it. Whoa! Today must be my lucky day. C'mon boys, let's keep this gravy train rolling."

Double D stands up, still wearing the moose head on his head. "Coming, Eddy.

"I was a moose once." Ed commented.

Flashback 4: Rolf is driving his tractor, which is very dirty. He looks like his bladder is about to explode. He arrives at a house with a sign on the garage that says "Eds Service Station". This was another one of the Eds scams. The garage opens.

"Customer." Eddy pointed out.

Double D and Ed come out of the garage.

"Hello Ed boys! I must use your restroom." Rolf said in distress.

"The restroom's for paying customers only, Rolfy." Eddy stated. "Your tractor could use some work."

Fine! Yes! Go!" Rolf cried, in desperate need to use the bathroom.

"Keys are in the garage." Eddy told him. Rolf runs inside.

"Is that the coagulation of dirt and clay Rolf?" Double D asked, crossed with Eddy. "Did you give him permission to go into my house? He'll track mud!

"Relax, he'll never make it inside." Eddy assured Double D.

After Eddy said that, Rolf comes out pulling the key that is attached to a radiator.

"May the fleas from your cow...inflame your rhubarb."

Eddy starts the engine to Rolf's tractor.

"Let's bring her inside, boys."

Eddy shifts the gear and the car goes in reverse.

"Not cool!" Eddy yelled.

Double D and Ed watched Eddy drive off with the tractor.

"That's really something I'd expect from you, Ed." Double D pointed out. The tractor crashes.

"It's really something I wanted to do, Double D." Ed pointed out.

Flashback 5: The Eds were celebrating Christmas in July. Eddy's plan was to sing carols so they could earn cash. They arrive at a house and the sound of sleigh bells is heard. Nazz opens the door.

"Do you hear it, Kevin?" Nazz asked.

Nazz and Kevin look up to see snowflakes falling down. But it's actually Ed on the roof, scratching his head and making dandruff fall down like snowflakes.

"Fah-laky!" Ed says. "Ho! Ho! Ho!

Kevin is not impressed by this.

"Get off the roof, ya-"

"Jingle bells! Jingle bells! Giving joy all day!" Double D and Eddy are singing Christmas carols. Ed falls off the roof and Eddy and Double D laugh nervously. This causes Nazz to giggle.

"We made you laugh so give up your cash or cheer will come your way!" Eddy sings and Nazz gets out her piggy bank and puts coins in Eddy's jar.

"Bingo!" Eddy says happily.

Next, the Eds sing to Sarah and Jimmy.  
Jimmy is enjoying it but Sarah looks annoyed.

"Deck the halls with boughs of holly! Fa la la la la la la la la! Give us cash or we'll never stop singing! Fa la la la la la la la la!

The Eds sing at another house.

"We wish you a merry Christmas! We wish you a merry Christ-

Someone opens the door and Double D and Eddy stop singing as soon as they see the person. But Ed continues singing

-mas! We wish you a merry Christmas so give us some cash!"

Rolf is at the door and he is decorated in meat as well as his house. Double D leaves. Eddy holds up the jar nervously.

"No cash." Rolf said. "A fine strip of bacon, yes?"

Rolf puts bacon in the jar and Eddy gives an annoyed look.

After the caroling, Eddy spends the money on jawbreakers. Later, he comes back with bag filled with them,  
but Ed ends up giving all the jawbreakers to the cul-de-sac kids, much to Eddy's anger.

Flashback 6: It starts with Ed reading his new Evil Tim comic in his basement. "The curse of Evil Tim."

Outside, Eddy is hatching another scam. He looks through Ed's window.  
The kids are assembled outside, waiting for a event to happen.

"I can't wait either, Plank." Jonny told his wooden buddy.

"Places, people! The show's about to start!" Eddy announced excitedly.

"This better not bite, dork." Kevin warned. Eddy rushes over to Double D, who's in a bush.

"Everybody's waiting, Double D!"

"Eddy, I'm having second thoughts about this." Double D said, uncertain whether he wanted to go on with this. "Ed is sure to catch on to this charade."

"Stick to the script." Eddy advised him. He pushed Double D away and runs over to Ed's window and bangs on it.  
"HELP! ED! SAVE US! HELP ED!"

"Evil Tim's got Eddy!" Ed panicked, not looking at his window.

"Up here, blockhead."

Ed went over to the window. "Eddy! I got a new comic book!"

"So what? We're being attacked!" Eddy informed him. He dragged Ed out the window and brought him over to the show.

"Stop panicking folks!" Eddy told the kids. "Everything's gonna be okay, because Ed's here to save our lives!"

"Yep. It's me, alright."

"It's been terrorizing the cul-de-sac all morning! Oh, look! There it is!"

A black figure is shown in the distance. Ed looks in his comic book. "It's the curse of Evil Tim!

"What a rube." Kevin teased. He, Johnny, and Rolf start laughing.

"Greenhorn Ed-boy has fallen harder than Nano's arches, yes? No?" Rolf commented.

Eddy clamps their mouths shut. "Ssh!

"It has come to dissect our internal organs." Ed stated. "And feed them to the minions of Haded."

"Jeepers, Sarah." Jimmy said in a scared tone. "Ed's scaring the Mr. BoJangles out of me."

"Don't worry, Jimmy. You're in good hands." Eddy assured him. He taps Jimmy's head, pushing him towards the monster, causing Sarah to punch him.

"Runaway trike!" Jimmy cried.

"Look at that, Ed!" Eddy warned. "Evil Tim is sucking Jimmy in!"

Jimmy is headed down the lawn and Ed runs towards "Evil Tim" carrying a giant tree.

"Crush the monster!" Ed yelled.

"LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT NORTHERN DUTCH ELM!" Double D panicked. "Oh dear. Oh dear. I can't seem to coordinate my-"

Double D tries to move, but his costume is making it difficult. Ed smashed the tree on top of Double D and Jimmy.

"The curse has passed!" Ed reported. "You are safe."

"Hokey moley!" Jonny exclaimed.

"Rolf is amused." Rolf commented.

"So where's Jimmy, dude?" Nazz asked. Sarah was now in a state of panic. "JIMMY!"

Jimmy?" Ed repeated.

"You gotta love him." Eddy commented, in tears.

Ed went to get Jimmy out from under the tree. He pulled him out.

"SPEAK TO ME, JIMMY!"

"Some things are left best unsaid." Jimmy replied in a weak tone. The kids giggle.

"FIRST AID FOR JIMMY!" Ed yelled.

"Choice." Kevin added.

Ed gives Jimmy mouth-to-mouth, blowing him like a party blower. The kids laugh at this.

"Are you with us, Jimmy?" Ed asked. Sarah yanked Jimmy away from him.

"Stop it!"

"I've got prune lips, Sarah." Jimmy whimpered.

"Ed, you slobber mouth baboon!" Sarah scolded Ed and took her friend with her.

"That was so awesome, huh, Rolf?" Kevin complimented.

"Gee, thanks, Kevin." Eddy said gratefully.

"Oops. What I meant to say was, it was was awesome...for a one year old!" Kevin retorted, laughing as he left with Rolf. Double D crawled up from under the tree Ed smashed on him. He was all bruised up.

"Is this what we've been reduced to?" Double D asked frustratingly. "Humiliating each other?!"

Ed grabbed his sock headed friend. "Not you too, Double D!" He was about to give him mouth-to-mouth.

"NO FIRST AID, ED! STOP!" Double D yelled, struggling to get away from Ed's grip. Ed dropped him.

"I feel funny." Ed mentioned.

"Funny? You're a laugh and a half, Ed!" Eddy replied, laughing. It was unknown if Eddy made any cash that day.

End of flashback.

Flashback 7: Exotic Pet Stand

The Eds are running an exotic pet stand. Kevin picks up a sprinkler that was decorated.

"Is this thing supposed to be dead?" Kevin asked.

"The iguana ain't dead, windbag. It's just-uh-" Eddy elbows Double D, waiting for an explanation.

"Sleeping like a baby, Kevin." Double D replied. "That'll be twenty five cents."

"Sold!" Jonny offered, putting a quarter down on the stand and taking away the iguana.

"I'm surrounded by idiots." Double D muttered.

"Who's complaining?" Eddy retorted.

Down the driveway, we see Ed acting like a snake charmer. He uses the belt as a snake and his toes to manipulate the false snake to entertain Rolf, who was amazed.

"Oh! Oh! I see it, but Rolf cannot believe it! Oooh! Oh!

End of flashback.

Flashback 8: Bumper Cars

Ed and Double D are blowing up rubber bumpers around some wheeled chairs for a scam. Jonny comes by with Plank.

"I said sorry, buddy! I forgot the camera at home!" Jonny said to Plank.

"Okay, Jonny boy, cough up a quarter for the ride." Eddy told him.

"Don't look at me."

Jonny moved Eddy's hand to Plank.

"Give Eddy his quarter, Plank." Jonny told the piece of wood. Eddy waits. Plank says something to Jonny.

"Plank says he's broke." Jonny stated.

Eddy walks away. "No cash, no bumper car ride."

Plank says something else.

"I'll spot you this time, but you better learn to pinch your pennies, mister." Jonny replied.

Eddy takes his quarter. "What a pal."

"Now get in there and bump em!"

Jonny pushed Plank.

"Plank's gonna bump us? Oh no! Plank's gonna bump us!" Eddy said in fake fear then laughs. "What's he gonna do? Board us to death?" He laughs again. "Oh look. I'm scared stiff! Stiff as a board!"

Eddy forms into the shape of Plank, mocking him.

"Board jokes are funny!" Ed commented.

"Eddy, that's enough!" Double D warned.

"What? Jealous you can't come up with a board joke?" Eddy replied.

Surprisingly, Plank bumps into the middle of the Eds, causing them to bounce into each other and off the sides of the arena. Their cars slowly start to lose momentum and come to a halt. When they stop, they break down.

"That a boy, buddy!" Jonny encouraged. "Way to go, pal! Right on!"

Ed was having a good time.

"Yippie! Ha ha!"

He bumps into Plant's cart and Plank falls on his lap.

"No need to say anything, Plank, as I would not hear it anyway."

Jonny retrieves Plank. "Planks says bumper cars are for chickens and whoever thought that up should have their brains lacquered! Boy buddy, now that's harsh."

Eddy gets very angry at this. He walks up to Plank as Double D tries to hold him back.

"Now Eddy, let's not do anything hasty. It's an inanimate object, for Pete's sake!"

"What's that, Plank?" Jonny asked. "Another ride? You're starting to get that look again, mister!"

"How was I supposed to know Plank was such an animal?" Eddy wondered. "I got something tucked away that's sure to curl his shavings."

End of flashback.

Flashback 9: Wishing Well

Jimmy looks down a wishing well. "

"Sarah, come see!

Sarah comes over.

"Whoazers."

"It's a real wishing well, Sarah. And a bargain at 25 cents a wish!"

Sarah fishes out a quarter. "I'll make a wish. I wish for a-

Jimmy cuts Sarah off. "I wish for my name up in lights! Fame! Glamour! And bodyguards! I wanna be a star!"

"Just make your stupid wish, will ya?" Sarah said, annoyed. "Ready? Go!"

They both flip their coins into the water. They listen to their coins fall into the water.

"Supermarket tabloids, here I come!"Jimmy cried. He and Sarah run off. Eddy peeks out of a bush.

"They fell for it! Did you see that?"

Double D comes out of the well, revealing it was just an optical illusion.

"The magic of geometrical drafting. Note: the brain can be fooled by what the eye perceives." Double D stated. "A simple optical illiusion, Eddy."

He tilts the coins onto his hands. "Did you write that down?"

"No." Eddy replied. "Gimme the cash!"

Double D pushes him off. "Eddy, taking notes is an essential part of learning."

"Are you touching my face?" Eddy asked in a hostile manner.

"Oh. Um, yes." Double D responded, nervously. "Sorry. The way to a successful moneymaking venture requires-"

"No notes!" Eddy interuppted. "I don't need you to tell me how to make cash. I was born to fleece, Double D. Do you know who I think I am?"

"Unfortunately, yes." Double replied.

End of flashback.

Flashback 10: Eddy's Career Counselling

The Eds have set up a scam called "Eddy's Career Cownselling" about careers since they noticed the cul de sac kids were maturing. Jimmy, Nazz, and Rolf were seated.

"Eddy's Career Counselling?" Jimmy read.

Eddy drags in a feisty Sarah.

"Only at Eddy's Career Counselling can our experts use your individual profile and a computer to pick a career just for you. All at a measly quarter."

He sets Sarah down on a bench next to Jimmy.

"Go on, Sarah. It'll be fun!" Jimmy assured her.

"Oh, I bet it will." Sarah replied, sarcastically. She drop a coin on the ground next to Eddy's jar. Jimmy laughs and Eddy picks it up.

Double D is interviewing Jonny.

"Shall we begin? Your favorite color."

"Magenta." Jonny answered.

Ed measures him.

"Megellan!"

"Thank you. Pants size?" Double D asked.

"Twelve. I guess." Jonny replied.

"Buttered toast." Ed replied.

"And favorite vegetable." Double D asked.

"Relish?"

"No, Ed, sprouts! Ow!

"Gravy."

Double D writes down all the information on his clipboard. "Yes, well, if you'll follow me to our "Vault Of Vocations" and select an item of your choice."

Double D lead Jonny to a chest. Jonny digs through it and pulls out a ball of twine.

"A ball of twine! Are we lucky or what?"

"I'll take that, thank you." Double D replied. Jonny gives him the ball of twine and Double D hands the ball and his clipboard to Ed. Double D whispers something into Ed's ear and Ed goes behind the computer bank.

"Our computer will now process, refine, and determine Jonny's exact career." Double D stated.

Ed makes computer noises as Jonny waits for his results.

"Bang!" Ed finally came up with an answer. "Jonny is a gopher."

"A gopher?" Jonny repeated.

"Congratulations, and here's your diploma!" Eddy said, giving Johnny his diploma. "Go out there and be the best gopher you can be. Next."

Rolf gets up.

"This grown-up staff's gold!" Eddy said ecstatically.

Rolf gets angry with his results. " A potato monger?"

"Well, um, according to our computer-dear Rolf, your profile did lean towards more a-"

"Rolf wishes to be a barber."

"A barber?" Double D repeated.

"In the Old Country, he who cuts hair is a man among men." Rolf stated proudly.

"But Rolf, he-

"Rolf. Is. A. Barber." Rolf demanded. He rolls up his shirtsleeve to reveal his large bicep.

"Party at Rolf's house!" Ed cheered.

"A barber it is!" Eddy proclaimed, giving Rolf his diploma. "Now go out there and bust some heads, Figaro."

Nazz walks over. "I'm ready for my career, Double D."

Kevin comes by and sees the scam. "Why's Nazz want a career?"

Eddy slams his jar against him. "Cause she's growing up, nimrod. You want one? Pay up."

"Nimrod?" Kevin repeated, offended. "Tell you what, Dorky. Meet me when you're and I'll tell you what my boot want to do when it grows up."

He walks away laughing.

"A dentist?" Nazz said excitedly. "Me a dentist? Oh Double D, that's so cool.

She hugs Double D.

"My turn! My turn!" Jimmy said excitedly, as he rushed over to the scam.

"Yeah! I want a career! I want a career!" Sarah said excitedly, rushing over with Jimmy.

"They can grow up all they want, cause I'm saying a kid." Eddy proclaimed, and rushed off to the candy store to buy jawbreakers.

End of flashback.

Eddy now snaps out of his flashbacks when he hears a knock at his door. He goes over to open it. Double D and Ed are there.

"Greetings, Eddy." Double D greeted.

"Hiya, Eddy!" Ed greeted.

"Hey guys." Eddy greeted. "I was looking through my suitcase, remembering the scams I used to pull. The goo ones only."

"Eddy, you aren't considering on going back to scamming, are you?" Double D asked sternly.

"Relax, Sockhead." Eddy replied. "I learned my lesson. No more scams ever."

"Good." Double D said relieved.

"Ooh, remember the scam I thought of." Ed mentioned. Ed was about to have a flashback.

"No! I don't want to remember that!" Eddy protested. "I just want to remember the ones where we actually earned cash. But wait, how am I gonna earn cash now?"

"Well, Eddy, you could get a job or do chores around your house." Double D suggested.

"Yeah, I guess." Eddy agreed, even though he was a bit of a slacker. "Why don't you come on in, guys?"

And so the Eds hung out together. Eddy thought about one of his scams, the career counselling. It inspired him to find a career himself. After all, he wasn't going to stay a kid forever.

-Alright, that's the end of the fanfic. Did you enjoy this? Review what you think of this first. Also, I din't add all the successful scams because I didn't want to. Like I said in the beginning, there will be more fanfics in the future. Goodbye for now.


End file.
